The Gift of Negative Emotions
Dear friends,
So many of us are missing out on receiving a transformational gift from our “negative” emotions.
While they are definitely uncomfortable and painful to feel, “negative” emotions like anger, anxiety, frustration, sadness, and fear are a sign that your internal guidance system is in working order.
Through “negative” emotions, your inner being is trying to get your attention and help you redirect, realign, and level up.
Just like physical pain and bruising alert you to the existence of a physical injury and guide you toward rehabilitation and healing, the same is true for emotional pain and discomfort.
If we accept that feeling peace and ease is our natural state and our birthright, then any emotion that is not bringing us peace and ease is there to guide us back to this natural state.
What is fascinating though is that we don’t go back to our original state of peace and ease. We keep leveling up to higher and higher levels and deeper and deeper experiences of peace and ease that we didn’t know was possible before. This is by natural design to support our continuous growth and evolution.
Therefore, when negative emotions arise, they are alerting us to what is holding us back from living our best lives and fulfilling our purpose with greater ease and joy. These could be:
Needs of ours that are not being met
Limiting beliefs that we are unaware of having
An area of growth that we weren’t ready to face before
Unprocessed traumas that are keeping us stuck in a state of fear and lack
Unhealthy relationships and environments that are not supporting our growth
Opportunities that are not aligned with our core values and who we truly are
Unfortunately, many of us are either numbing or escaping our negative emotions. This is for many reasons which can include:
We never developed the capacity to feel them so having negative emotions scare us
We are told that we are weak/wrong/broken/bad if we have negative emotions by a culture that is constantly pushing for toxic positivity
We fear that others will judge us for having negative emotions
We judge ourselves for having negative emotions
We are afraid that if we pay attention to them that we’ll attract more negative experiences (I find this to be common amongst people in the spiritual community)
As someone who grew up being told that I’m being “ungrateful” and literally letting God down if I have negative emotions, trust me, I know how hard making the shift can be. But expanding your emotional capacity and learning how to take loving care of your inner self is truly the best investment you could ever make.
Our negative emotions gift us with the invitation to connect more deeply with ourselves and break through to the next level of what’s possible for us. They bring with them priceless data that fuel our self-discovery and transformation.
They are also a natural part of the richness of the human experience. The more deeply we allow ourselves to explore and feel our “negative” emotions, the more we level up our capacity to feel fully alive, enjoy our “positive” emotions, and develop greater empathy for others - we can meet people only as deeply as we’ve met ourselves.
It all starts with having self-compassion and cultivating curiosity. Hold yourself with gentleness and get curious about what you are feeling and what these emotions are trying to tell you. They are ALWAYS bringing a valuable message and a gift for you - even if that is to practice simply feeling your emotions at first or building your courage and learning to take a step forward as you feel and move with your fear.
This isn’t about wallowing in our emotions, reacting to them, and being consumed by them. This is about befriending them, getting to know them, and appreciating them for the gift they offer as they guide us to a place of greater ease and higher alignment with our inner being.
Rumi says it best in his poem, “The Guest House”:
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.
Be grateful for whatever comes.
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
May this letter remind you to start receiving and befriending all of your emotions.
May you allow your guest house to be prepared and cleared out for new delights.
And may you continue redirecting, aligning, and leveling up!
With love and gratitude,
Maliheh
P.S. For more resources and examples on cultivating self-compassion and emotional agility, please check out my podcasts with Dr. Kristin Neff and Dr. Susan David.)