Trusting the “In-Between”
Dear friends,
As you know, every journey toward a goal typically has a beginning, a middle, and an ending. The beginning is usually ripe with motivation, hope, and clarity.
The ending can be accompanied by a sense of joy and accomplishment and at times, even relief and grief, depending on the journey and the situation.
But the middle. Oh, the middle, or what I call the “in-between”, can be quite messy, long, and full of unexpected lessons and surprises.
The in-between is usually when most people lose their way and give up on their vision and dreams. They rush back to the comforts of what they once knew, even if it no longer fits, even if it keeps them small and limited. They hold on tightly to the old and familiar, choosing to suffer in stagnation than to walk through the unpaved path of the in-between.
But the in-between is where the magic happens.
It is in the in-between that we build our capacity to welcome and hold the new. It is where the pressure builds to force us to release what does not belong in the next chapter of our becoming. We must shed old identities, beliefs, habits, fears, and sometimes even people, places, and jobs to make space for the vision we hold.
It is in the in-between that we get molded into the version of us that can hold that end goal we so long for.
Think of a baby in their mother’s womb. No matter how much it longs to be out in the world and experience all the lights and delights, it cannot rush the process – it must not if it wants to be healthy and thriving. It goes through phases of looking like a bean and evolving slowly into a being that can come out of the womb, ready to breathe on its own and take in all that the world has to offer.
The same is true whenever we go through any growth transition. We simply cannot rush to get to the ending, because if we get there too early, we may not be able to hold it. In fact, we may fumble and destroy it with the very hands that fought so hard to achieve it.
In a world obsessed with speed, many of us get to the “end” prematurely. That is why we burnout, shut down, lose our way, or get discouraged. But if we give ourselves the grace and gifts of the in-between, we arrive grounded, nourished, and ready to blaze new trails.
The in-between is required by design.
Nature gave us the template for growth the moment we were conceived into existence. It asked us to be patient for nine months, to sit in the dark, to be in isolation, to focus on our own growth, and to trust that we will be provided for every step of the way. This is the place where usually no else but us can see our vision and what we are moving toward.
Then, eventually the womb becomes too small. We need more love, space, and resources but cannot fathom where it can possibly come from, just like a baby cannot imagine what could be waiting for it when it is born. All it knows is darkness and some muffled sounds from the outside world.
Then, when it has grown enough and is ready to handle the love that is waiting for it on the other side, the contractions start. Now, things are getting even more uncomfortable in there!
It can’t see that the contractions are opening the doorway into a whole new world—a world waiting to love it with open arms and hearts full of love. From the baby’s perspective, these contractions probably feel like torture. This is where we also might find our best laid plans being derailed or obstructed after coming so far.
This phase of the in-between is when most people do whatever they can to escape from and bypass, only to go around in circles repeating the same pattern over and over again. Some even make it near the end and by the second contraction, think they must have done something wrong and give up.
Trusting the in-between requires trusting yourself and your capacity to handle all the discomfort that birthing a new idea, a new venture, a new goal, a new life, or a new you requires.
That’s what makes you a trailblazer. Because you trust the in-between. You hold yourself with love and care, even when everything looks dark and you are deep in the womb, alone and unsure of your next step.
But like fetuses, our thriving as trailblazers depends on our ability and willingness to adapt and grow.
And growth cannot happen without the in-between. It is not a delay. It is not punishment. It is preparation so that when you make it to the other side, you can fully exhale, take it all in, and continue building.
The best strategy I know for getting through the most painful edges of the in-between is surrendering to what is happening and approaching it with curiosity.
A guiding question to remember is: How is this happening for me?
This question anchors us in love. It anchors us in the love that took care of us while we were in our mother’s womb. That same love is present and hard at work in whatever womb and gestation period we are in now, whether that be entrepreneurship, leadership, parenthood, or any other transition.
It anchors us in the knowing that we are not in this alone—that a force much greater than ourselves is always loving and guiding us to wherever we are meant to go.
Our job is to be present and curious even in the midst of the contractions, even in the midst of the pain—to feel it all, to surrender to it all, and be brave enough to let it transform us.
Our job is to trust the wisdom of the in-between.
In a world filled with distractions and ploys for our attention, this can lead to a lot of avoidance, delays, and unnecessary detours. Please guard your attention and energy as if your life depended on it, because it does.
The gifts that you alone are here to offer require your presence and engagement in the in-between.
Stay the course.
Breathe through the contractions.
And remember that you are so deeply held and loved, every step of the way.
With love and gratitude,
Maliheh