Six Essential Reminders for Navigating Difficult Transitions
Dear friends,
Let’s talk about the “messy middle”.
As we all know, any new decision, venture, or pivot can bring about volatility and uncertainty. How we deal with the contractions, expansions, twists, turns, ups, and downs along the way (i.e. “the messy middle”) makes all the difference in how we make it to the other side.
Here are six reminders to help you if you are going through a messy and difficult transitional period in your life, career, and/or business:
Accept the mess. Messes are a part of life. You don’t get the gorgeous May flowers without the messy April showers. Also, as the old adage goes: what you resist, persists. So accept the mess. It is here and the only way past it is to move through it. And remember that messes may not necessarily be a sign that things are falling apart, but that they are falling into place – reorganizing and finding a new and improved order that is better aligned with where you are going (see the example I share below).
Remember that nothing in life is permanent. The rain will stop, the storms will pass, and the sun will shine again. Know that you are capacious enough to move through whatever “messy” situation you are dealing with right now and that it will not last forever - nothing in life does. So this will pass no matter what and it is up to you to decide whether or not you want to add to your pain and suffering. I hope you’ll choose to stop catastrophizing and scaring yourself, instead:
Find moments of stillness and hold yourself with gentleness and self-compassion. I wrote about this in my previous letter, but it is worth emphasizing again. Please remember to breathe and be kind to yourself and your body. Breathe through the discomfort of not knowing or not seeing the way forward. These situations happen to all of us and they are not easy to move through. Let yourself feel the emotions that come up and be as kind to yourself as you would be to a child you adore.
Release your attachment to the “how”. Sometimes it is really hard to see how things will work out when we are in the thick of a super messy situation. We can spend a lot of energy trying to work out the “how” and not make any progress. It is important to remember that if you are moving into a new stage of growth and a higher equilibrium, your old ways of thinking, being, and doing will not necessarily be sufficient anymore. If you’ve been busy building ships and now you want to build a rocketship, you’ll need new tools and to rethink the way you’ll be using the old ones. So let go of needing to know exactly how things will work out and do this instead:
Get curious and look for the lessons. Everything that happens brings opportunities for growth, especially messy transitions. Try to process this experience from a higher level of consciousness and get curious about the lessons it may be offering you. This could be an invitation to shed mindsets, behaviors, and patterns that are no longer serving you or your business. They could be coming up to be processed and cleared out of the way so new and more aligned ways of leading, working, and creating can be incorporated. The sooner you extract and apply the lessons, the more quickly you’ll be able to move through this period.
Reach out for extra support. It is usually very difficult to zoom out and see the full picture when we are immersed in a difficult situation. I know from my own experience that having safe spaces to turn to where I feel seen and heard and can gain new perspectives has been invaluable. I’ve also seen the difference it makes for my clients who are all incredibly capable individuals. So please give yourself permission to receive, to be held, and to be supported. You matter and you are strong and smart for taking care of yourself and investing in your growth.
I hope you find comfort in these words as I know how incredibly uncomfortable and painful transitions can be.
It may also be helpful to remember that as you are elevating your life, career, and/or business to new heights, the “messy middle” is likely creating the necessary conditions for you to shed the old and expand your capacity to receive the new.
Here is an example that can help bring all of this together for us:
I once had a client who came to me hoping to take her company to its next level of growth. A few days later, a key member of her team submitted their two-week notice and chaos ensued. My client hadn’t seen this coming and she reached out to me feeling very distraught and overwhelmed.
I said to her, “Do you remember asking for growth and expansion?”
“Umm… yeah”, she responded.
I continued, “Well, you can’t have expansions without contractions. As painful and shocking as this feels right now, space is opening up for the next level of growth.”
She got curious.
We then dived into what she can learn about this team member’s departure and strategized for what could be next.
I helped her see how the situation presented her with the perfect opportunity to reorganize and even redefine her role. So instead of hiring for the same position, she shuffled around some of the responsibilities and was able to create a new position, one where she could hand off the tasks that were draining her to someone who would enjoy doing them.
This freed her up to focus on the company’s growth and the aspects of her job that nourished and energized her. Within a few weeks, the right person showed up to fill the new position and my client and her team continued thriving and took the company to the next stage of growth more quickly than they thought was possible.
So the next time you find yourself going through a “messy middle”, please remember to be self-compassionate, give yourself the space to zoom out, get curious about the lessons and the opportunities, and release your attachments to the “how”. Things may just end up working out better than you expected them to!
With love and gratitude,
Maliheh